I have recently started reading this book entitled When Am I Going To Be Happy?: How to Break the Emotional Bad Habits That Make You Miserable written by Penelope Russianoff, Phd. In one of the early chapter she talks about changing through use of inertia. To clarify, this is going against what your instincts/ habits or want to do, for example, when you are depressed and you don’t want to go to a friends get together, that is exactly the time you need to go to aid in you getting over the depression. Penelope explains that we get into the emotional gravity, wanting to stay in a certain emotional state. The thing is, as she explains, if you don’t go against what you feel like doing, you will in turn continue to feel that way, if not eventually worse.
There is a reason why I have opened up regarding that topic. I have realized how I have applied that to my life to an extent. I am not always the most sociable person, for certain reasons I will not go into in this particular post, but I have used some of this inertia. One of the things I have desired, almost as much as having a successful career in music, is to be in a serious relationship, with marriage a possibility in the future. I haven’t had success in this, have had come somewhat close and have had my heart broken on more than one occasion by prospects I had interest in. And, even though, I do fear being denied the same way, I do actually still socialize, through social media specifically, talking to others, in hopes that I will meet someone who will make me feel more confident that it is quite possible to have what I want, relationship wise. Sure, I recognize would be more effective if actually went out on dates. However, I am not quite ready for that at this time. Or at least I don’t think I am but do feel like I am a lot closer to than I was about a year ago.
As far as my career dream, I have been approached with an opportunity which is a stepping stone toward achieving exactly what I want. I have to relocate and move far away from those I am close to. This makes it a very difficult decision. I find myself some days being so afraid that I think about backing out, even though it is exactly what I want. I have read in a previous book, specific title not coming to mind, that sometimes people get in this rut, they’re so used to things going a certain way unfavorable to what they want that when it actually does go well, it freaks them out. I am pretty sure that’s exactly what is going on with me. I have come accept withing the past couple years that for me to achieve my dream career, I will have to move out of my hometown for sure, and likely this state. And here I am with this opportunity and I am quite scared and feel like running away from what I have always wanted. Gone so long wanting, but on a certain level thinking it would just be a dream, it never fully occurred to me that it really could happen, that there could be a possibility of having this success. Fortunately, I have remained in talks, going against this reflex to run, and over the past few months, I have felt more comfortable with it due to other positive things that have happened due to the approached opportunity.And have even started making plans to help set the stage for actually going through with fully accepting this opportunity, thinking of stepping stones to help me feel more comfortable. I have been quite unhappy for some time, if I don’t do something different, break out of doing the same thing, I will always be unhappy, and I will always be here. I know that if I don’t take the risk, there will be no possibility for reward.