Finding Myself Again: Moved Out & Moving On

One of the worst things in life is to lose sight of who you are. This has unfortunately happened to me. A couple years ago I graduated from college.  After completing my hard earned degree I moved in with a close relative. At first things were fine but over time I slowly lost sight of who I was. I became very depressed. Felt worthless and powerless. I was very miserable. And at one point it was so bad I had considered possibly taking my life. What made things worse is I even let the relative know I was feeling that down and depressed and all they did was tell me I “needed to get over it” which definitely made me feel like my emotional needs didn’t matter. Fortunately, the urge did eventually left, after fighting the urge and reminding myself, whenever the temptation was strong, that the pain I was feeling was temporary and someday I wouldn’t hurt like that anymore.

So why was a depressed? I am sure a lot of it was from me feeling lost; my life had no direction after graduating. And, in addition, I wasn’t actually treated with the respect that I deserved. I was also living in an environment that wasn’t beneficial due to circumstances.

I learned how to crochet when I was about 9/10 yrs old, taught by an aunt. But I never really got serious about the hobby. I basically just made granny squares and at one point at started on a blanket (which has yet to be completed to this day) for a cousin. Fast forward to about a year ago when I came across a tutorial for how to crochet a Hello Kitty beanie. For some reason I couldn’t resist picking up the hobby again. I am very grateful for me having picked it up, and most importantly those in my life who have helped me be able to partake in this hobby I enjoy.

While crocheting did help me some, it still didn’t help make the problems I was having go away. At the end of the day, I was still in an environment that wasn’t good for my health. Crocheting just helped make it more bearable.

And then something amazing happened; I met an amazing guy. We found each other online last fall and befriended each other. I knew way back then there was something special there in him. And I knew I wanted to be by his side. However, we didn’t get together as a couple until earlier this year. Having his support and his love helped me have the strength and courage to do something I wanted to do for a long time: to leave the negative environment. (I would like to note that the issues I had living there, weren’t necessarily intentional, but regardless, they were still harmful to my mental and emotional health.)

And now here I am out of the environment that contributed to me losing sight of who I am. I knew things were bad where I was at, but I honestly had no clue how stressful or exactly how bad the environment was there until I left. It is taking some adjusting to, but I am getting used to being able to think about myself and to be able to take care of my needs. I’m finally really starting to feel joy and happiness in my life again. I am starting to find purpose again. I am beginning to find myself again.

Thanks for stopping bye and taking the time to read this post. Wish you all a wonderful, blessed weekend!

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